Wednesday, February 10, 2010
8/16/2009
Arriving at the scene the victim was no where to be found, but his bike, a Suzuki 1200 Bandit S, was totaled, practically unrecognizable laying motionless on the jet-black asphalt (battered by the overturning motion of the flying motorcycle and resembled a golf course with divots more than it did a road) and sat on the edge of a subterranean ditch, a ditch my family and I passed about a million times every day since our thirteen years on North Birchwood Lane, a subdivision so secluded from the outside world not even the delivery boys know where to find; it used to be a peaceful ditch, where deer and squirrels merrily pranced and played, but ever since that dreadful day, I pass by the ditch on Pioneer Road and shudder and hyperventilate and break down because the last time I closely gazed upon that ditch, my father was laying in it.
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This sentence is quickly grasped by the reader. This is accomplished by creating a structure for the sentence that invokes the audience's memory. In the first portion of the sentence, the audience is introduced to the victim, his bike, and the ditch (all of which are described in specific, vivid, detail) but they are not provided any details as to who the victim was; it is as if the audience is not yet welcome to know the private details that surround this mystery. At the end of the sentence, the audience enters a dreadful scene and experiences the feelings of the writer upon seeing their father's corpse in the ditch. Without strategic use of the audience's capability to remember the details at the beginning of the work, a corpse in a ditch is of no significance by itself. In this particular sentence, the logic is sound enough to create a piece of writing that has an especially striking conclusion. Using this structure, the author has effectively proven their case and furthered their experience.
ReplyDeleteMemory does not work alone here. The rhetorical effect of the conclusion of this sentence would not be as profound without the delay of the identification of the corpse and the significance that follows when it is connected to the author. Kairos is at work here in the very deliberate way the phrase "my father was lying in it" is put at the end. It could very well have been put earlier in the sentence along with the description of the ditch, but it is not.
There is also a quality to this sentence that is hard to decipher, but it can be broken down into the delivery of the piece. The writing itself almost has a diary style to it - one that perhaps was scribbled down in a fit of emotional distress as a means to the end of getting a horrible experience quickly out of one's psyche and on to the paper. It is a recollection that seems to haunt the author, and this comes through its use of words and how their impact affects the audience. These are words such as the specific description of the bike or the "battered" asphalt as well as the "peaceful ditch" or the "dreadful day." These words invoke in the reader a sort of understanding that this is not some conjured dream-like experience that may or may not of happened. Rather, this is a concrete experience and setting where real consequences exist. Clearly, these are experiences sharp in the author's mind.
This sentence immediately captured my interest. Simply after reading the first couple of words I was intrigued and excited to read more. This sentence has a profound impact on the reader and strikes an emotional chord with his audience that allows the reader to sympathize with the writer. The rhetorical effect of waiting until the end to expose the fact that, “my father was lying in it (the ditch)” has a profound effect on the reader. By waiting to expose this fact, the writer craftily strengthened this sentence. The subtle hints at family and history earlier in the sentence, “a ditch my family and I passed about a million times every day since our thirteen years on North Birchwood Lane,” make the conclusion of the sentence even stronger. If he decided to declare this at the beginning of the sentence, the quality and dramatic effect would be lost. Upon reading that it was his father in the ditch, my face immediately cringed in horror. In addition, after finding out this truth I immediately felt sympathy for the writer.
ReplyDeleteThe writer does a great job gathering the attention of the reader by pulling his audience in by providing vivid details but using general words like “victim and the ditch” as to not allow the reader to know all the facts of the story until the end. It is almost like the writer is slowly becoming more comfortable talking to us and is opening up his feelings as he tells his horrific experience. The use of alliteration such as “dreadful day” is a great way to entice the reader and capture the audience. The vivid details of the bike, the ditch, and the battered asphalt conjure up a vivid picture in the readers mind. When I read this sentence I could see the scene of the accident in my mind due to the effective use of imagery.
Perhaps the most disturbing part of this sentence is when the author refers to the ditch as “it used to be a peaceful ditch.” This comment stands out in my mind after reading it. It’s almost as if the once peaceful ditch that haunts the writers mind is now burned in my memory. This part of the sentence flows superbly into the concluding twist of the sentence when we find out about his father.
Through the structure of the sentence we identify with the author and want to offer him compassion for his horrific experience. “I pass by the ditch on Pioneer Road and shudder and hyperventilate and break down because the last time I closely gazed upon that ditch, my father was laying in it.”By telling us that he shudders, hyperventilates, and breaks down upon gazing on the ditch we are forced to identify with the author.
Overall, it is just a fantastic sentence that effectively displays a vivid scene in the reader’s mind and strikes an emotion chord of sympathy in the reader’s heart.